Will to Kill

So here’s where it begins to get intense.

Last night we practiced shadow-sparring. We weren’t allowed to hit, hard at least, but we were confined to an 8 foot by 8 foot square on the mat and told basically to go at it. I was against B, a kid of about 13 who is really not so great at TKD, if only due to his complete inability to pay attention during class. He is also often unintentionally provocative, and often tells me “bring it on”.

Let me tell you, it’s been brought.

He was able to touch me several times. But I felt like a whirlwind of energy and totally trounced him. I was in the zone; I really could think of nothing else but kick-punch-kick-kick. Keep your balance. Block. All I could see were his jesting eyes. I never had any intent to hurt him, in fact I think I even laughed a couple of times. But this whole exercise had a startling effect on me. After the exercise we moved on to learning forms, and Mr. C took me aside to teach me Chun-Ji. But while he was talking, it took all of my concentration to not throw a punch or kick at him (which would have been wayy bad, I would have certainly died in short order). It seems that my brain was still in fight mode. This lasted for a good five minutes or so after the shadow-sparring.

This has made me worried for myself. I’ve never been very impulsive, but I’ve also never put my body through such rigorous training. And I’ve never hit someone before. I am worried that when I really start to spar, I might lose control and really hurt someone. I am sure Mr. C. will teach us techniques to keep ourselves in check, but nonetheless, it is a new and disconcerting feeling.


One Response

  1. My sister once broke someone’s collarbone with a roundhouse kick (it was a higher belt than her, so it was the higher belt’s fault for not blocking it.) Other than that, I’ve never heard of anyone really hurting anyone else. The more you spar, the more that you learn your own limits so that you can turn on your aggression if you need it and control your movements. So when you “really start to spar” like you say, you actually get more control instead of less.

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