Reflections of a worldly virgin

If only I had been married in high school, the ideal of a modest, blushing bride could have been genunine.

Like many Christians, I was raised to value my body and taught to never defile it with sexual activity before marriage. I believed in these ideals and found them to be beautiful, and even took pride in my purity, enduring insults and accusations of prudishness. Even through my bouts of teenage angst when I wanted guys to like me, I still never wanted to give away my greatest gift.

I did, however, want to dress immodestly, toe the sexual line in relationships, kiss men alot, and be ‘normal’. I was a two-faced coin: I loved the idea of saving myself for marriage, but I also wanted pleasure. The real, genuine understanding of chastity as the perfection of love was years away for me; it wasn’t until junior or senior year of college that I really, finally understood that this virtue is amazingly beautiful and one that I desired.

Because I didn’t understand this virtue, I made a few mistakes, and although they weren’t serious, they still affected the way I viewed myself and those around me. I also approached sexuality with a scientific curiosity, finding out from friends and books all the things I wanted to know about sex. I would also catch glimpses of sex on TV or movies or images. Most of these things I did or were exposed to weren’t really sins for me, in the legal sense of the term, because of circumstance. But for the thirteen years I have been post-pubescent, there has been a long, slow chipping away of the mystery of sex.

Something of the mystery is now gone for me. I dont know if I could have avoided this worldly knowledge or kept myself totally innocent in such a world as we live in. But although my status is still “virgin”, I don’t feel pure. I know too much.

I don’t really know what the answer is to this, or how to get the mystery back. I hope it’s not gone for good, because now that I finally truly understand how beautiful chastity really is, I want it even more.

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One Response

  1. Sounds like a really positive occurrence in your life! I also have just (last 5months) been made aware of how valuable this virtue is… and staying virgin till marriage and marrying a virgin is even more of big thing for me!!!
    http://virginspiration.wordpress.com

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